MAD ON A TUNE (PART ONE)

 You know that The Curmudgeons Incⓒ brings you the latest innovation in posting so it won't come as a surprise that, for the first time in this blogging community we introduce a post that's a collaboration of two bloggers - myself, The Music Curmudgeon and another The Curmudgeons Incⓒ blogger, The Religious Curmudgeon.

No need to thank us.

Due to the overwhelming success of the 'concept' post "THINGS WERE DESPERATE UP NORTH" we've written this new post titled MAD ON A TUNE.

Given the religious theme, which is almost as important as the music theme, The Religious Curmudgeon joins me in the selection and the presentation of the songs. This is kind of like those silly old duffers Phil O'Brien and Simon Morris who've been presenting the holiday music show Matinee Idle since Christ was a cowboy.

The Religious Curmudgeon ...

... and I will provide some banter like Phil and Simon do. We're not as old as those old twats so our banter will be fresher with a bit more Mmmmm (an old coffee joke there that'll appeal to the old instant coffee drinkers who follow our blogs).

This list will not be definitive. It could be, I assure you but there's an old ex schoolteacher who reads these blogs and finds it hard to concentrate. There's also an old toilet cleaner who has difficulty reading anything that doesn't include his own name and/or reference to Jesus or The Holy Ghost. Fortunately this post has The Madonna as its theme and we know that this guy has a fetish unhealthy interest passion for The Virgin Mary and has been known to photograph statues of her and keep these in a secret photo album. In the interests of brevity we have shoRtened the list to 12.

ONE

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: First up is 'Food For Thought (Ivory Madonna)' by UB40.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: "Ivory madonna dying in the dust, waiting for the manna coming from the west."  Ha ha - I thought the lyrics to this were I'm a prima donna, dining out on toast.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Well it's not bloody funny matey. The song was inspired by the massacre of Kampuchea, which was a state existing from 1975 to 1979 in what is now Cambodia. It was run by the Khmer Rouge, a Communist group that controlled the state with an iron fist and murdered all who opposed it.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Sheesh! Just as well I didn't mention what I thought the rest of that lyric was. This is starting out well.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: well.... listen:

TWO

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: (sulking).

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: OK, sulk then. I'll take your turn with the second choice. Any search of music with 'Madonna' in the title or lyrics predictably turns up that awful scrawny old tart who goes by the stage name Madonna, commonly known as Mags. Personally I can't stand her but I suppose that you do given your insensitivity to religion, politics, society and decency in general ..... wait .... let me finish. This Madonna tart has used religious themes in her songs for sensationalist reasons - take the song 'Like a Virgin' for example. I know one old catholic guy that will get upset and/or excited by that. My choice though, to get this Madonna person out of the way is the song 'Like a Prayer' This was controversial as it featured Mags dancing in front of burning crosses, experiencing stigmata and kissing a statue of a Black Jesus who comes to life in a church.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Robert will be conflicted then. He'll like it and hate it at the same time. Good choice.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Ah - you're back then. Thanks. Watch this:

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: That was truly awful - she's going to hell for sure. Thank Robert's god that we got that out of the way. I'll have a go now but I'll find something that doesn't have 'madonna' in the theme or title. How about the Virgin Mary?

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: fill your boots man.

THREE

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: OK.  We've given Robert a bit of stick already which is unfair - or at least unfair so early in this 'concept' post so, especially for him I think a Marion antiphon is called for. as you know The Religious Curmudgeon, Marian antiphons are a group of hymns in the Gregorian chant repertory of the Catholic Church, sung in honour of the Virgin Mary.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Er , yeah, yeah I knew that ...

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: OK. here goes:

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: That was really horrible - worse than old Mags's caterwauling.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Yeah, sorry about that. We'd better get some decent Gregorian stuff in to make up for it. Try this:

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: That's better even if it didn't feature Mary the virgin. You'd better have another turn.

FOUR

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Like Charles Mingus who we referenced in that last post who plays too much double bass music, I've found that songs about Mary have too many damned religious references. I thought I'd break things up a bit with a song from one of my favourite bands from the 1970s - Jethro Tull. Here's 'Cross-Eyed Mary' for your education, edification and elucidation...

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: (sotto voce) Wanker.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: what's that?

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Aqualung I said. It's from that album.

FIVE

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: My turn again. I think we're drifting away from the 'madonna' theme. I thought that it'd be easy. Maybe that old guy Richard was right and a theme of storms would have been better. We're used to storms up here and there are some good songs about storms. I can think of ....

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Franklin!

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: What?

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Aretha Franklin. She did that excellent 'Mary Don't You Weep' song.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Oh, I thought that now you were calling me a wanker.

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: No - why would I ...hey!

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: OK - moving on. It was supposed to be my turn but I'll accept that. I love Aretha Franklin's songs. Listen to this:

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Great. That leaves old Mags in the dust.

THE RELIGIOUS CURMUDGEON: Ivory madonna dying in the dust?

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: Ha ha - I see what you did there.

SIX

THE MUSIC CURMUDGEON: My turn again. Aretha's going to be a hard act to follow but I'll give it a try. As I get older - and no funny comments because I happen to know that you're exactly the same age as me - I've harked back to things from my past. When it comes to music  the seminal influence obviously has been 1960s music. While I didn't like all of the songs that 'got into my head' some I did and others just kind of sat there. The Monkees are a good example. In many ways they were naff and the TV show was kind of stupid but the songs, particularly the Neil Diamond penned ones were pretty good. This next song I put in the 'got into my head' category. It never was a favourite but I do remember at the time driving my youngest sister nuts by saying to her when ever I saw her "Mary Mary - where're you going to?"

****************************

THE CURMUDGEON: Well done guys, I couldn't have done better myself. Let's have a break now and call the above PART ONE. We can continue with the rest of the 12 songs in PART TWO should it be necessary. I want to get some feedback from the readers first. I also have to get on with cooking dinner - Pasta Siciliana, that orange and kumara dish I love and The Old Girl doesn't. I'll make enough for my dinner tonight and tomorrow night. I love this dish.