GETTING REAL

 I heard a snippet from an interview with a musician - I think it was Billy Bragg - when I was driving today. He said something along the lines of keeping his music contemporary and as his views and politics have changed over the years he has no hesitation in changing the things that he said in his youth.

This got me thinking. There are so many bands and musicians nowadays who are still on tour playing the same songs 50 or more years later that frankly have little to do with the septuagenarians now performing them.

Many songs need an update. Here are some examples.

Paul McCartney 'When I'm 64.'

Original

When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine

Revised

Now that I'm older having lost much of my hair
Many years ago
Will you be sending me some Levothyroxine

Simvastatin and Hydrochlorothiazide?

Rolling Stones 'Stray Cat Blues'.

Original

I hear the click-clack of your feet on the stairs
I know you're no scare-eyed honey.
There'll be a feast if you just come upstairs
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
I can see that you're fifteen years old
No I don't want your I.D.
And I can see that you're so far from home
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime

Revised

I hear the clatter of boots on the stairs
I'm now scare-eyed and it's not funny.
There'll be a mess when the cops come upstairs
It might not be a hanging matter
But it's now Me Too and a capital crime
I know that she was fifteen years old
I should have asked for her I.D.
And I could see she was so far from home

It might not be a hanging matter
But it's now Me Too and a capital crime.

Ringo Starr 'Sweet Sixteen'.

Original

Woo

You come on like a dream
Peaches and cream
Lips like strawberry wine
You're sixteen, you're beautiful and you're mine (ooh, mine all mine)

Revised

Oo

You're a bit wide in the beam

Too much peaches and cream 

I see on your lips you've been drinking my wine

You'r sixty eight now, you're still beautiful and you're mine (ooh, mine all mine).

Elton John 'Saturday nights alright for fighting'.

Original

Oh, don't give us none of your aggravation

We had it with your discipline
Oh, Saturday night's alright for fighting
Get a little action in
Get about as oiled as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
'Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright, alright, alright, oo

Revised

Oh, don't give us none of your condescension
We don't want to go out
Oh, Saturday night's just right for a night in
Get a little television in
Have a shandy and a glass of chardy
Hope I can get my pants off alright
'Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright, all night, I'm tight, oo

You get the picture